Back for a visit

I'm not even sure if anyone reads this anymore... I wonder how Spidergirl is doing...
Anyhow, for some reason, I thought college would make life better... It did for a while, until I fell in love, got my heart broken and realized that life sucks then you die... It sounds like an emo rant, I'm sure but at this moment, life has nothing to offer. My ex is going back to Japan, my mother is in the hospital, I'm afraid to go to Japan and my summer is going to be the worst. Ugh... Hopefully my next update will be good.
And about writing... ha. That hasn't happened in A WHILE. But I'm probably gonna change this up here and talk about more controversial issues and stuff that's been bugging me... It seems like a good idea.
By the way, its almost the anniversary of Cho Seung Hui's death.

Writer's insanity

I'm tired lately in all aspects of the word.
Emotionally,physical and mentally. I can guess that the emotional exhaustion is from loving idiots who won't give me the time of day
I can't sleep and I have a thick writer's block.
My mind is constantly running from me, getting ahead which isn't always a good thing.
I'm mad and numb at the same time which is why I no longer deal with lost loves. I can't feel what I used to. My emotions have worn to bits. Though I am still myself, not the cold "bitch" I sound like.
Even the sad anger that fills me can't penetrate this shield of numbness.
Only depression seeps through.
And this is a writer's insanity.

Cho Seung-hui

I mourn the lost of Cho Seung-hui,the shooter at the Virginia tech college.

Call me psycho but I've been upset since I found out the story.....

"I didn’t have to do this. I could have left. I could have fled. But no, I will no longer run. It’s not for me. For my children, for my brothers and sisters that you fuck, I did it for them… When the time came, I did it. I had to." -Cho in one of the videos

This is why I started this blog. For those who feel like I do. I know the pain he felt. How many of the students in VT died happy? Well Cho didn't. He died miserable and hurting. I do agree that shooting wasn't a good way to cure that loneliness butwhen it builds, it can go bad as you all saw.In middle school and high school, Cho was picked on for his shyness and odd speech. In English class at Westfield High School, he didn't speak when it was his turn to Cho didn't speak when picked by the teacher in class. When a teacher told him he'd get a failing grade for not participating, Cho began reading in a weird, deep voice that sounded "like he had something in his mouth," one classmate said. "The whole class started laughing and pointing and saying, ‘Go back to China,’" . Another classmate said that "There were just some people who were really mean to him and they would push him down and laugh at him," and "He didn't speak English really well and they would really make fun of him." Hm can you blame him after being picked on so many years?

"You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul and torched my conscience. You
thought it was one pathetic boy’s life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I
die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless
people.
Do you know what it feels to be spit on your face and to have trash
shoved down your throat? Do you know what it feels like to dig your own grave?
Do you know what it feels like to have throat slashed from ear to ear? Do you
know what it feels like to be torched alive? Do you know what it feels like to
be humiliated and be impaled upon on a cross? And left to bleed to death for
your amusement? You have never felt a single ounce of pain your whole life. Did
you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can just because you can?
You had everything you wanted. Your Mercedes wasn’t enough, you brats. Your
golden necklaces weren’t enough, you snobs. Your trust fund wasn’t enough. Your
vodka and Cognac weren’t enough. All your debaucheries weren’t enough. Those
weren’t enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything.
"This
is it. This is where it all ends. End of the road. What a life it was. Some
life"-Cho in another video

What you are reading is not anger so much as hurt and pain. Think of it from a different perspective: What kind of hurt it took for a person to do this? He even said it himself.

Why hold such contempt for a man who was hurting? I will forever remember Cho, the man who was being eaten away by the festering lonliness inside and let it get the best of him, doing what we others wouldn't dare.

In memory of Cho Seung-hui

January 18,1984-April 16,2007

He died for a cause-the weak

Presenting...Silver Lithium

Yep. That's the name of the band I'm working on. So far I have a guitar player,Bass player and of course me, the vocalist. All we need is a slamming drummer.
My influences include: Dir en Grey,Evanesance,and Utada Hikaru
I really want a Dir en grey type sound. Hmm.....really want this to go well but when people (*cough *cough* the bassist) don't seem to care about it, it isn't as much fun.
Okay anyway so now I need a bassist and a drummer......anyone care to help??

Hmm well comments are really low. Okay then if that's how you all feel...
So I'm not really working on anything now. I think it's slight writer's block. What I see is my mind happens all to fast to write. Like right now I'm in class and how many stories can start there? Yeah I know.
Christmas didn't leave me with any inspiration either. Nothing that I could grasp. I want something more than just written off of emotion because it's hard to identify again and work well and keep a steady connection.......Okay later for now.

Dir en grey: Child Prey (PV)

Hmm good for a re-awakening of my vampiric self. Pretty crazy don't you think? I love it. I introduce: Dir en grey with Child Prey from the album: Vulgar

hmmm

Hmmm.....I'm working on a new story. I've gotten really far maybe over half the notebook. It's defiantely something new for me. It's a horror thing. I had Saw the movies 1-3 in my head when I started. My writing is starting to slow down but I haven't stopped yet.
In fact as of yesterday it picked up a bit......hmmm.
There is an urge to join other characters in. I 've done that but I haven't gotten far. I've added Lacie who is basically me. She goes to the setting of the other characters and since she's a vampire and their human, they all get trapped--only problem is Lacie didn't eat before she went.....I'll write a piece from the "novel" next week so come visit!!